24 Hilarious Valentine’s Gifts for Lighthearted Couples

You’ve got thirty-sex chances of scoring with these naughty Valentine’s Day dice. So go ahead and Gamble on a night of hot romance! No thinking necessary. The black die has a sexy action written on each side, and the white die has a body part.

No more beating around the bush. No more awkward phone sentences like, “Umm, I was hoping we could have some alone time…” This little bell says “Ring for Sex.” Hopefully for you, it will have your sweetheart running like one of Pavlov’s dogs.

Speaking of rating farts on scale of one to ten, we introduce to you the ancient Art of Poo. We’re not talking about a cute little Taoist take on a bear. We’re talkin dookie. Droppin’ the kids off at the pool. This Valentine’s Day, give your sweetheart fifty-two awesome ways to poop.

This book give you over a hundred ways to tell your sweetheart they’re the bee’s knees, the cat’s pajamas, the yin to your yang, the jelly to your roll, a real doll, a sweet patootie, a fox, a looker—the choices go on and on. If there’s one day you can get away with cheesy slang, it’s Valentine’s Day.

From top to bottom, from morning to night, to the moon and back, and through every room in the house. Every one—including the bathroom. This Valentine’s Day gift will keep things fun and light for you and your sweetheart. Only for couples with a sense of humor!

Guys, if you feel like you’re not living up to her standards this Valentine’s Day, this gift is just what she needs. He’s the perfect man. He’s cute, keeps his mouth shut, doesn’t track mud through the kitchen, and never, ever argues. A woman couldn’t ask for more. Disclaimer: doll is anatomically incomplete.

Sexist, misogynistic, archaic, and probably totally inappropriate. Sounds like it could be good, huh? This book is filled cover to cover with sexy men doing things like…vacuuming. Washing the dishes. Folding laundry. Saying things like, “Eat more, you look too thin.” Women, prepare to get twitter-pated.

You know you have the right man for you if he busts out laughing the moment he opens this Valentine’s Day gift. You really know you have the right man if the first thing he does is puts it on and does his best Patrick Swayze for you. Or Channing Tatum, for you young ‘uns out there.

This will be funny, but you’re going to have some making up to do after you scare the bejeezus out of your sweetheart with this Valentine’s gift. It looks like a mild-mannered little box of candy. Smile your innocent schoolboy smile, and when she opens it up: SPIDER!!!

Psyche! You thought beer was included—no such luck. You provide the beer, the box holds the Valentine’s Day card of your choosing. Our advice: fill the six pack with six different local micro-brews and sample them over a nice Valentine’s Day dinner.

The Jody Grind, A Bit of Crumpet, Bandicooting, Bakin’ Cookies, Bow-chicka-wow-wow, Dancing in the Sheets, Hibbety-Dibbety, Driving Miss Daisy, Hot Yoga—you know what all these have in common? There’s a new one for a new generation, and this little bear says it loud and proud: Netflix and Chill.

Ha! Make your honey breakfast in bed this Valentine’s Day and the main course—eggs or pancakes—can come out perfectly heart-shaped with this Teflon mold. It works in any frying pan. If you sweetheart is as pun-nuy as you are, they’ll beat you to the hardy-har-har-hearty breakfast joke.

Clear the air this Valentine’s Day with this romantic lavatory mist. Because let’s face it: some things about couple-hood nobody tells you. Here’s one—everybody poops, sometimes. Here’s another—even the hottest guy or girl can leave behind a powerful stench. Problem solved.

Smash the glass ceiling. Fight for what’s right. Equal pay for equal work! Scan the internet, and you’ll find flasks disguises as all sorts of things. The problem is, they all seem to be geared toward men. This Valentine’s get her a flask—and a place at the boardroom table.

Guys, rule # 1: learn it. This one made us LOL, just like the first gift on this list. It’s a set of mugs for a couple who knows their relative places in the grand scheme of things. He’s Mr. Right, of course, or she wouldn’t have married him. And she’s Mrs. Always Right. Just cause.

They tell parents the money they think they’re putting away for college is, in reality, for the future therapy their kids are going to need, because everyone messes up their kids somehow. But what’s a mom to do? Where’s her therapy fund? In a bottle of red wine, duh.

Shut up and go away! But really I love you. This sleeping mask tells it like it is. And this Valentine’s Day, you can give her this gift to let her know that you understand exactly what she means when she mumbles and rolls over in bed.

Sarcasm is a crutch that keeps people from expressing true feelings. Screw that—sarcasm is how you feel, but in a quirk of double-irony practiced every day in the modern world, we get to use it to say what we don’t mean. Did you follow that? Then you’ll love this iPhone case.