Valentine’s Day is a day for lovers, it’s too true. Candlelit dinners, walks in the park, boxes of chocolates, heartfelt, thoughtful gifts, even engagements—but some couples don’t roll like that. Some couples keep it real, and keep it funny. Everything else is just too much. This is a list for lighthearted couples who just want to laugh.
From top to bottom, from morning to night, to the moon and back, and through every room in the house. Every one—including the bathroom. This Valentine’s Day gift will keep things fun and light for you and your sweetheart. Only for couples with a sense of humor!
They tell parents the money they think they’re putting away for college is, in reality, for the future therapy their kids are going to need, because everyone messes up their kids somehow. But what’s a mom to do? Where’s her therapy fund? In a bottle of red wine, duh.
No more beating around the bush. No more awkward phone sentences like, “Umm, I was hoping we could have some alone time…” This little bell says “Ring for Sex.” Hopefully for you, it will have your sweetheart running like one of Pavlov’s dogs.
Ha! Make your honey breakfast in bed this Valentine’s Day and the main course—eggs or pancakes—can come out perfectly heart-shaped with this Teflon mold. It works in any frying pan. If you sweetheart is as pun-nuy as you are, they’ll beat you to the hardy-har-har-hearty breakfast joke.
Psyche! You thought beer was included—no such luck. You provide the beer, the box holds the Valentine’s Day card of your choosing. Our advice: fill the six pack with six different local micro-brews and sample them over a nice Valentine’s Day dinner.
You’ve got thirty-sex chances of scoring with these naughty Valentine’s Day dice. So go ahead and Gamble on a night of hot romance! No thinking necessary. The black die has a sexy action written on each side, and the white die has a body part.
This book give you over a hundred ways to tell your sweetheart they’re the bee’s knees, the cat’s pajamas, the yin to your yang, the jelly to your roll, a real doll, a sweet patootie, a fox, a looker—the choices go on and on. If there’s one day you can get away with cheesy slang, it’s Valentine’s Day.
You know you have the right man for you if he busts out laughing the moment he opens this Valentine’s Day gift. You really know you have the right man if the first thing he does is puts it on and does his best Patrick Swayze for you. Or Channing Tatum, for you young ‘uns out there.
This will be funny, but you’re going to have some making up to do after you scare the bejeezus out of your sweetheart with this Valentine’s gift. It looks like a mild-mannered little box of candy. Smile your innocent schoolboy smile, and when she opens it up: SPIDER!!!
The Jody Grind, A Bit of Crumpet, Bandicooting, Bakin’ Cookies, Bow-chicka-wow-wow, Dancing in the Sheets, Hibbety-Dibbety, Driving Miss Daisy, Hot Yoga—you know what all these have in common? There’s a new one for a new generation, and this little bear says it loud and proud: Netflix and Chill.
Speaking of rating farts on scale of one to ten, we introduce to you the ancient Art of Poo. We’re not talking about a cute little Taoist take on a bear. We’re talkin dookie. Droppin’ the kids off at the pool. This Valentine’s Day, give your sweetheart fifty-two awesome ways to poop.
Sexist, misogynistic, archaic, and probably totally inappropriate. Sounds like it could be good, huh? This book is filled cover to cover with sexy men doing things like…vacuuming. Washing the dishes. Folding laundry. Saying things like, “Eat more, you look too thin.” Women, prepare to get twitter-pated.
Smash the glass ceiling. Fight for what’s right. Equal pay for equal work! Scan the internet, and you’ll find flasks disguises as all sorts of things. The problem is, they all seem to be geared toward men. This Valentine’s get her a flask—and a place at the boardroom table.
Clear the air this Valentine’s Day with this romantic lavatory mist. Because let’s face it: some things about couple-hood nobody tells you. Here’s one—everybody poops, sometimes. Here’s another—even the hottest guy or girl can leave behind a powerful stench. Problem solved.
Guys, if you feel like you’re not living up to her standards this Valentine’s Day, this gift is just what she needs. He’s the perfect man. He’s cute, keeps his mouth shut, doesn’t track mud through the kitchen, and never, ever argues. A woman couldn’t ask for more. Disclaimer: doll is anatomically incomplete.
Guys, rule # 1: learn it. This one made us LOL, just like the first gift on this list. It’s a set of mugs for a couple who knows their relative places in the grand scheme of things. He’s Mr. Right, of course, or she wouldn’t have married him. And she’s Mrs. Always Right. Just cause.
Sarcasm is a crutch that keeps people from expressing true feelings. Screw that—sarcasm is how you feel, but in a quirk of double-irony practiced every day in the modern world, we get to use it to say what we don’t mean. Did you follow that? Then you’ll love this iPhone case.
Shut up and go away! But really I love you. This sleeping mask tells it like it is. And this Valentine’s Day, you can give her this gift to let her know that you understand exactly what she means when she mumbles and rolls over in bed.
6 Funny DIY Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas
Guys, do you think you can handle an awesome DIY? You bet Jurassic you can. This T-Rex is coming for her heart this Valentine’s Day—and you’re the one who’s gonna make it happen. You only have two stops to make: the toy store and the craft store. Next stop? He heart.
Here’s a funny DIY for either a guy or a gal to make in no time flat: fortune cookies with silly messages inside. Buy the empty cookies, and use the downloadable template for your messages. Or put your brain to work and print up a few of your own.
This googly-eye Valentine’s Day card is super easy to make and it’s sure to make your sweetheart giggle. You just need a blank card, a bit of paint, a paintbrush, and some stick on googly eyes from the drugstore. This project will take five minutes. Srsly.
If there’s one person on earth you can bust out your cheesiest jokes on, it’s got to be your sweetheart. And the day that it’s most acceptable? Valentine’s Day, of course. This tutorial shows you how to make an origami unicorn and fix it to a Valentine’s heart.
Eeeeeewwwwww, gross!!! But freaking hilarious. Love has never been this gooey before. Follow the steps to make this dripping heart of love. And please, don’t skip the line you never knew you’d be able to say: “Baby, Slime All Yours!”
If you liked the spider-in-a-box gift we included on the list above, you’ll die for these love bugs. Just get to the dollar store and find some plastic bugs, head home with some gold paint and maybe a sticker heart or two, and you’ve got a funny and romantic DIY ready for Valentine’s Day.
(Read this next: 21 Funny Valentine’s Day Cards for Your Loved One)